Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
