Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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