mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
