yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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