I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
