You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
