Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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