I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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