she was so not down for the gang bang
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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