I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize