Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
