What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
