I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
