Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize