Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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