my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
bring money and cleavage
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
