I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
