Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
