Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
