Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize