ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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