meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
