you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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