I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize