I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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