So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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