So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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