my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
