Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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