The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
