The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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