I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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