Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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