Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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