i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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