He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
