She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
