Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
