his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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