I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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