im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
