Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
