I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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