This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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