i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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