Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
