yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She told me I should be a condom model.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i need some magic done to my vagina
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
