he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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