he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
