Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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