currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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