the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
