Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
