I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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