you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
