also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
