they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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