Just fell off a train. Bad.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My ass is underappreciated
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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