Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
