I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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