VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
