Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
