I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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