I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
