Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
