i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize