she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
