I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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