I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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