The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
