Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
