"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize