I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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