Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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