woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
